


without notice

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, M/M, Romance, side tegomaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-16
Updated: 2011-09-16
Packaged: 2019-01-27 11:10:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12580468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Tegoshi’s always known what he wanted in life.





	without notice

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

He’s got it good, they said. It’s easy to be mostly gay in a boyband, they said.

Once again, Tegoshi watches Massu practice his dancing and laments his hard life. That’s not as literal anymore, thankfully, since Tegoshi’s no longer a teenager and _eight years_ is enough time to grow accustomed to the unresolved sexual tension in the air anytime Massu _moves_.

Tegoshi’s always known what he wanted in life. He usually gets it, too, because things just happen like that with him. He was around thirteen when he decided he liked boys as much as girls, although he’s incredibly picky with both. His girls have to be feminine and his boys masculine. He prefers both to be muscular and confident, clean and organized, with a good appetite, polite manners, and a killer smile.

Basically, they have to be Massu. Tegoshi remembers the feeling he’d gotten when he’d first met Massu; at fifteen years old, when everyone _else_ his age was confused and awkward, he’d already found The One.

Unfortunately, The One didn’t appear to have any interest. Not with him, not with _anyone_ , at seventeen nor twenty-five. The only time Massu even approaches the topic of relationships or attraction is when he’s asked in the interviews, and he always prefaces it with this completely lost expression, like he’s never thought about it before. He probably hasn’t. Masuda Takahisa, to the outside world, is asexual.

Tegoshi bangs his head against the table as Massu twists and shakes everything he’s got on the hard wood practice room floor. Massu doesn’t notice. Massu _never_ notices.

*

One perk to Massu’s oblivion is that Tegoshi can stare at him. A lot. Massu has many complexes, but being watched is not one of them. Tegoshi’s eyes are on him nearly every second they’re in the studio, on stage, anytime they’re in the same room, really.

And after eight years, the rest of NEWS are well aware of this. Koyama caught onto it first, being as he has a sensor for all things member love, and naturally he told Shige and Kusano. Ryo was next, and what Ryo knows, Uchi knows, the pair of them teasing Tegoshi _endlessly_ about his “boy crush.” And while Yamapi has never come out and said anything, Tegoshi’s positive that he knows, too. Hell, even Kamenashi gave him a pitiful look when they were working together and Massu came up in the conversation. I’M IN LOVE WITH MASUDA TAKAHISA may as well be tattooed on his face.

It probably could be, and Massu still wouldn’t see it. He’s a great friend and coworker, and Tegoshi knows that Massu cares about him as a person, but that’s it. There’s never been any sign that he returns Tegoshi’s feelings, even a little bit – no too-long glances or nervous approaches. Tegoshi can sit right on Massu’s lap and it doesn’t faze him; fanservice is part of the job and everybody knows that it doesn’t matter to Tegoshi whether there’s a camera or not. He’s just an affectionate person.

This should be depressing to think about, but it’s been so long that Tegoshi just shrugs and goes on with his business. He knows it’s unhealthy to hold onto an unrequited love like this, but until he finds somebody better, he’ll settle with losing himself in the neverending fantasies. Because every time he thinks he’s found someone better, he sees Massu again and forgets that other person even exists.

They’re only in their twenties, Tegoshi tells himself positively. He has all the time in the world to wait for Massu.

*

“I love you,” Tegoshi says calmly, the words just slipping out as he succumbs to sleep on Massu’s shoulder.

Massu just grunts, without emotion, and his deep voice is soothing.

*

“I’m glad we’re recording together again,” Massu says, flashing that genuine smile, and Tegoshi’s heart melts.

“Me, too,” he says with his trademark everything-is-okay grin. He’s gotten really good at that over the years. “Massu is really fun to work with.”

Massu takes a drink of water, nods, and looks Tegoshi straight in the eye. “I’ve told you many times, it’s okay if you call me ‘Taka’.”

“I like ‘Massu’ better,” Tegoshi says with a pout. “You don’t like it anymore?”

“It’s fine,” Massu says, nodding again. “Everyone calls me that now.”

Tegoshi gives him a strange look, but Massu just smiles again before he’s called into the recording booth. Tegoshi follows along with the lyrics as Massu sings through his headphones, mentally adding harmony and his own trills, and he cherishes the few minutes he gets to hear Massu sing alone, in his ears. It’s a love song, and Tegoshi pretends that Massu’s singing to him.

*

Yes, Yamapi knows. Yamapi has always known, minding his own business like a good leader while caring from a distance. His comforting hug tells Tegoshi that this isn’t brand new information, that he’s been there since the beginning and he knows how much it hurts to see Massu with _her_.

“It was inevitable,” Yamapi says, his voice rumbling Tegoshi’s body as he curls up on Yamapi’s lap like a child. Yamapi’s fingers stroke his hair and it feels good. “They were childhood friends.”

“She’s your ex-girlfriend,” Tegoshi mumbles. “Doesn’t that break some kind of bro code?”

Yamapi laughs. “I don’t mind at all. They’re happy together.” He squeezes Tegoshi. “You should be happy for them, too.”

“I’ll try,” Tegoshi says bitterly, biting back nasty comments that he’ll regret. “His happiness is what’s important.”

Yamapi nods, and they fall into a comfortable silence. Tegoshi is pretty sure his leader has fallen asleep before he allows himself a small sniffle.

*

Nobody else acts like Massu having a girlfriend is a big deal. Shige claims that Massu’s probably had girlfriends for years, just not flaunting them like everyone else (bitter, bitter Shige). Massu’s private life is private, Shige says. The only reason anybody knows about Keiko is because she’s famous and they were caught out on a date together.

Kitagawa Keiko. Tegoshi seethes at the name, even though he knows it’s not her fault. She doesn’t know Tegoshi’s feelings – she doesn’t know Tegoshi at all. He met her once when she was dating Yamapi and she was nice enough to him. She’s not really his type, but he can see the appeal. She has gorgeous lips, and if the way Yamapi looked at them was any indication, she knew how to use them.

Tegoshi frowns as he thinks about her doing that with Massu. He wonders if Massu would let her. Shige had made a valid point – Massu was very secretive about his personal business. He would hang out with them outside of work, listen to them rant and rave about everyone they knew, but he never volunteered information about himself. They’d all learned very early not to bother inquiring, because he would either be evasive or give very vague answers.

Honestly, what bothers Tegoshi the most about Keiko is that she’s learning all of these things about Massu that nobody else knows. A relationship means intimate conversation, and judging by the way Massu spoke of her when he was finally confronted with the picture, they’d jumped right into something serious.

“I’ve known her since we were ten,” Massu had told them, looking uncomfortable as ever as he addressed their questions. “She confessed to me and I thought, ‘Why not?'”

Tegoshi wonders if he’d have gotten a similar reaction if he’d ever confessed. He’d thought about doing it a million times, but he didn’t want things to be awkward within their groups. Plus, it was obvious Massu wasn’t interested. If he’d given Tegoshi even an indication of a green light, he’d have gone for it.

This was much easier to deal with when Massu was asexual.

“Bummer, man,” Ryo says after Massu’s out of earshot. “You okay?”

Tegoshi nods. He’s strong. He’ll get over it. “I just want him to be happy,” he says earnestly.

“That’s what they all say,” Ryo says knowingly, and Tegoshi takes him up on his offer to drink the pain away

*

Nothing about Horikita Maki screams ‘long term’, but she’s fun for the time being. Her hair is long again, her humor is similar to Tegoshi’s, and she’s fine with being a rebound.

“I didn’t even think you _liked_ girls,” she says as she arrives at his place around 11pm, slipping off her shoes, and he pulls her into a kiss to prove it to her.

He takes her right there against the door, and it’s good. Really good. She giggles when he touches her and it’s cute, the atmosphere light as the temperature gets hot. Afterwards, he doesn’t quite want her to leave, inviting her to stay and watch a movie where they both inevitably fall asleep on his couch curled up in each other.

This is nice, Tegoshi thinks in the morning. This could be okay.

And then he sees Massu again. Massu is overly cheerful, almost to the point of being fake, and Tegoshi actually thinks that they’d _both_ gotten laid until Massu starts gushing about how it’s so cool that they both have girlfriends and how they should double date.

“Sure, I’d love to!” Tegoshi agrees automatically, then wants to slam his head in the door.

They go to the movies. This is an ideal situation, because Tegoshi can put his arm around Maki while looking over her head at Massu and Keiko. Keiko’s just as nice as the last time, although now it’s _her_ who’s looking at Massu like she wants to devour him piece by piece. Tegoshi can’t say he blames her, because Massu on a date is _hot_. He’d dressed up, which meant a tie with his loudly-patterned shirt and jeans that fit _very_ well. He also smells good, and Tegoshi feels a little smug that it’s the same cologne he’d gotten him for his birthday.

“This movie is boring,” Maki whispers, calling his attention back to her. “Let’s make out.”

Maki is full of good ideas. He’s not about to try and call attention to themselves, but he holds her close as they kiss and doesn’t think about the man sitting next to her for awhile. Then the seats shift and there’s some angry hissing, and Tegoshi sheepishly pulls away, ready to be scolded.

But the hissing isn’t directed at them. Keiko’s narrowing her eyes at Massu, looking a cross between hurt and pissed off, and Massu looks like he wants to crawl into a hole and die. Maki notices the awkwardness and bows her head in apology.

“I’m sorry,” she tells them. “We’re being rude. We’ll stop.”

“No, no,” Keiko starts, waving her hand dismissively, which Massu grabs and laces his fingers through. It’s such a sweet gesture that both Keiko _and_ Tegoshi melt from it, and he pulls Maki closer into his arms so she doesn’t see it. Also because it’s nice to cuddle with someone right now while his heart is breaking.

*

“You’re in love with him,” Maki calls him on it, and all Tegoshi can do is nod guiltily. “It’s okay, I’m not mad, but you should have been honest from the start.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, hanging his head.

“No, I’m sorry,” Maki tells him, and Tegoshi looks at her in confusion. “I’ve been there, Yuuya. It’s hard to get over someone you’ve loved for so long.”

“Maki-chan is so smart,” he says, and she takes him in her arms. “Are we breaking up?”

“Nah,” she replies, hugging him tighter. “I don’t have anyone I’d rather be with right now and, besides, you’re really good in bed.”

Tegoshi chuckles, feeling smug, and he lays back on his bed, pulling her down with him. “Help me forget him,” he whispers, half kidding, half serious, and she smiles as she complies.

*

Tegoshi didn’t think there’d be a second double date, but just in case, Maki had offered to think that Keiko’s a bitch and refuse to breathe the same air as her. She’s such a good friend, even if that’s all she’ll ever be.

“About the other night,” Tegoshi approaches carefully; Massu looks quite irritable this morning. “Maki-chan doesn’t want to double again.”

“It’s fine,” Massu grumbles, and Tegoshi frowns in concern. “Keiko and I aren’t together anymore, anyway.”

“What?!” Tegoshi almost shrieks, and Massu cringes at the high volume. “Sorry, I was surprised. You two were so cute together.”

Massu opens his mouth, then shuts it. “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just work.”

“Okay,” Tegoshi says gently, hopping off the chair and stretching to distract himself. “But if you ever want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”

He hears a grunt, then they’re both standing side-by-side in front of the mirror. Dance practice is usually grueling enough to take all of Tegoshi’s concentration, with nothing left to focus on anything else, but Massu doesn’t usually look like a dark cloud has formed over his head. He’s going through the motions well enough, but there’s no pep in his step and Tegoshi’s getting depressed just watching him.

Suddenly he stops, mid-twirl, and Tegoshi almost bumps into him. He wants to stay there, take Massu in his arms and tell him everything will be okay, but Massu’s weird about comfort and Tegoshi doesn’t want to upset him any more.

“Massu?” he prompts, standing a comfortable distance away and lifting his eyes to Massu’s face.

Massu takes a deep breath, staring straight ahead at the mirror, and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Is it so wrong to want to wait?”

“Wait for-?” Tegoshi starts, then stops himself. He knows exactly what Massu’s talking about. “No, no it’s not.”

“I’m sorry,” Massu says, dropping into a squat to put his head in his hands. “I just can’t get it out of my head. Last night, she… it was so embarrassing.”

“If she can’t wait for you, she doesn’t deserve you,” Tegoshi says firmly, kneeling down to his level. Tentatively he reaches a hand out to Massu’s shoulder, and when Massu doesn’t flinch, he pats him soothingly.

Then Massu laughs, looking up from his hands with a red face and very dry eyes. “No offense, but you don’t really understand. You always get what you want, and right away.”

_So you think_ , Tegoshi wants to retort, but all he does is bite his lip because for the most part, Massu’s right. “That doesn’t mean I don’t understand your feelings,” he says. “You’re upset, so I care.”

Massu just stares at him for a few seconds, then nods. “Thanks, Yuuya.”

“Did she, like…” Tegoshi trails off, uncertain of how to word this. “Did she force you?”

Closing his eyes, Massu leans his head down. “No, worse. She accused me of not really liking her and called me a prude, amongst other things, and I told her to leave.”

“What a bitch,” Tegoshi spits. “You can seriously do better. There are, like, a million girls who would date you, and happily wait forever for you to do _anything_ with them.” (And at least one boy.)

“I don’t…” Massu starts, then shakes his head. “I don’t know, Yuuya. I don’t really… I just have a lot of thinking to do, okay?”

“Sure.” Tegoshi pulls his hand away and stands up, purposely turning away from the other. “You can talk to me about anything, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Massu sighs, and it weighs on Tegoshi’s heart. “I’m so jealous of you.”

That has Tegoshi stopping in his tracks, and he carefully looks at Massu in the mirror. “Really?”

Massu nods. “You know exactly what you want, and you get it. I wish I had, like, half of your confidence. And not only on stage.”

“You don’t need it on stage,” Tegoshi says firmly, and Massu smiles. “As for everywhere else, just think about what makes you happy. Anything that makes you happy is worth going after.”

“Got it,” Massu says, and the sparkle returns to his eyes. “I feel better now, thanks. Sorry for interrupting our work.”

Tegoshi makes a really dumb pose, like he’s some kind of superhero. “TegoMasu is about happiness! We can’t be TegoMasu if we’re not happy. Therefore, cheering up is part of the job.”

“You’re so weird,” Massu says, but he’s laughing. It’s a low, sweet sound that Tegoshi loves to hear, and it echoes in his head as they rehearse.

*

“Sometimes I wonder,” Massu says, completely randomly, “if I should just do it.”

Tegoshi chokes on his water. “Do what?”

“You know,” Massu says. “It.”

“With a girl?” Tegoshi asks.

“With anyone,” Massu says with a sigh. “I haven’t before. Not even close. I’m way too uptight to let anyone that close to me.”

Tegoshi’s jaw almost drops, but he keeps his composure. He may have thought Massu was asexual, but not that he’s a _virgin_. “There’s no reason to jump right into it,” he says instead, trying to remain calm. “You shouldn’t do it until you want to.”

“Ugh, this is too much,” Massu mumbles, then lays down on the floor. They’d been stretching between songs, and now Massu’s on his back, looking miserable (and way too mountable). “Why does it have to be so complicated? No other aspect of my life involves nearly this much thinking. I should just do it and get it over with and maybe it will be different from there.”

“With a girl?” Tegoshi asks again, unable to keep the anxiety from his voice.

“With anyone,” Massu repeats.

Panic attacks Tegoshi, for one of the first times. He doesn’t recognize it at first, but then his heart is pounding and his nerves are about to fry and he feels like he could hyperventilate. “Make sure it’s someone you know,” he says quickly. “Someone you trust.”

“Like a friend,” Massu says, nodding to himself. “Yeah, people do that all the time. But how awkward is it to go up to your friend and be like, ‘oh hey, want to sleep with me?'”

“I…” Tegoshi starts, then pauses to clear his throat. He catches Massu’s gaze and falls still, everything inside him freezing at the _hopeful_ look in his eyes. “I would do it.”

The next few seconds are like an eternity, all of Tegoshi’s focus hanging on Massu’s response, which is put on hold while Massu stares at him. It’s almost like he’s sizing him up, and Tegoshi’s not at all surprised. Massu is pickier than he is.

“Aren’t you dating Maki-chan?” Massu asks, and Tegoshi’s sure he’s imagining the disappointment in his voice.

“We’re open,” Tegoshi rushes to say. It’s probably true.

Massu nods, like his long time friend and colleague hadn’t just offered to deflower him, and tilts his head in thought. “Do you think she would do it, too?”

Tegoshi’s eyes widen. “Like a threesome?”

“Well, I mean.” Now Massu’s _really_ embarrassed, staring at the floor and scratching his head, and Tegoshi thinks he looks unbearably cute right now. “I don’t know what I want, you know? I don’t even know what I like. I just… need to compare, maybe. I’m sorry, this is really weird.”

“No, it’s cool,” Tegoshi says, trying to believe the words he’s saying. “I’ll ask her.”

“Thanks.” Massu grins at him as he returns to stretching. “For everything. You’re a great friend.”

Tegoshi cringes at the ‘friend’ word, but Massu misses it. As usual.

*

“Wait, wait.” Maki pauses in their kissing and pulls back enough to look at him. “Are you shitting me? Masuda-kun wants to have sex with _both of us_?”

“I can’t believe it myself,” Tegoshi replies, getting even more worked up with Maki moving on top of him. The thoughts of having Massu between them helps speed that up a _lot_ , though. “Will you do it?”

Maki shrugs. “Sure. I don’t normally make a habit of teaching virgins, but I suppose for you I can make an exception.”

“You’re the best, Maki-chan.”

“Show me how grateful you are,” Maki whispers, giggling as Tegoshi rolls them over and does exactly that.

*

They agree to meet up at Maki’s place. She’s still sharing an apartment with Meisa, but Meisa’s making herself conveniently scarce for the night and Tegoshi wonders if she has any idea what will be going down while she’s gone. She probably does; those two don’t have a lot of secrets.

Massu shows up at quarter ’til seven, early as usual. He looks calm enough, but when he takes off his jacket and shoes and looks at the two of them, he swallows awkwardly. “So, are we just going to do it, then?”

“We can eat first,” Tegoshi offers, thumbing towards the kitchen. “Maki-chan’s not the best cook, but it’s edible.”

Maki smacks him, pretending to be offended, and Massu relaxes enough to laugh. It’s still a bit nervous, and Maki notices it. “It’ll be okay, Masuda-kun. Don’t look like we’re going to attack you.”

“We should just…” he starts, trailing off to rock back and forth on his heels, and Tegoshi can tell that this is very hard for him to say, “… get it over with.”

Tegoshi glances toward Maki, but Maki’s already crossing the room. Massu’s eyes get wider and wider as she approaches, but then they fall shut as she takes his face in both hands and presses a kiss to his lips. It’s slow and chaste and Tegoshi’s making fists with both hands without realizing it, his eyes straining to watch Massu’s face as he gradually kisses her back. His arms linger at his sides and she reaches for them, placing them gently on her waist where they rest neatly on her hips.

It looks very scripted, completely void of any feeling, but that doesn’t make Tegoshi any less jealous. He swallows back his bitterness at the same time they pull apart, and Maki smiles up at Massu with a doting look. “Okay?” she asks him.

He nods and grunts. “Okay.”

Tegoshi can’t deny that Massu looks much more comfortable now, at least until Maki glances over her shoulder with a knowing look. “Your turn, Yuuya.”

Massu inhales sharply, his eyes darting to Tegoshi as he licks his lips. His cheeks are a bit pink and it’s so incredibly sexy that Tegoshi can’t even think about being anything but entranced, that familiar feeling of holding back happily abandoned as he closes the distance between them and finally, _finally_ takes Massu into his arms.

The first touch of his lips against Tegoshi’s is electric. They’re soft, active, and Massu’s hands find Tegoshi’s back without any help. Tegoshi practically clings to Massu’s shirt, his fingers twisting in the fabric, and Massu _has_ to feel how much Tegoshi wants him, and not just as a helpful friend. But Tegoshi doesn’t care; he’s waited entirely too long for this and now that he has his chance to be with Massu like this, he’s going to cherish it.

Their kiss seems to last forever. It’s completely close-mouthed, just a constant pressing of lips from different angles, but it’s enough to make Tegoshi’s mind spin. He never wants it to end – he could kiss Massu like this forever – but eventually they break apart, noses still touching as Massu’s body heaves with the force of his breaths.

“You can breathe through your nose, you know,” Tegoshi tells him, his brain incredibly foggy.

“I know,” Massu tells him. “That’s not why I’m out of breath.”

Tegoshi jumps when Maki speaks. He’d completely forgotten she was there. “Are you sure you want me here?” she asks carefully, with a knowing tone.

“I…” Massu says slowly, then takes a deep breath. “I think I’m good. Like this.”

His hand tightens on Tegoshi’s waist, and Tegoshi looks at him in shock. “What about comparing?” he asks.

“I just did,” Massu replies, and he looks over to Maki with a guilty look on his face. “No offense to you-”

“Trust me, none taken,” Maki replies, and her grin is both mischievous and content.

Then Massu turns his eyes back to Tegoshi, and Tegoshi’s almost knocked back by the intensity within. “Is it okay if it’s just you?”

Tegoshi sputters something nonsensical, but Maki answers for him. “You can use my bed,” she says casually. “Yuuya, you know the way.”

He does, quite well, although leading Massu there is nothing like leading Maki. He can’t even compare them, Massu’s hard muscles and rough angles a million times more enticing and Tegoshi can’t touch them all fast enough, but at the same time he doesn’t want to move _too_ fast, not just for Massu’s comfort but also to savor what he’s waited years to have.

Massu hops right onto the bed when they get there, and the door closes behind Tegoshi as he watches Massu pretend to be brave in front of him. He doesn’t exactly remember his first time, with a boy or a girl, but what he does remember is the other person being gentle, supportive, and patient. He needs to be that person for Massu now, and he takes a deep breath as he sits next to him.

He pries one of Massu’s hands off of his knees and turns it over, tracing lightly along the creases and up Massu’s arm until he feels Massu’s head drop on his shoulder.

“Just do it, Yuuya.”

And Tegoshi does, turning his head to capture Massu’s mouth again and lower him down to the bed. Massu’s arms come up to wrap around him and Tegoshi stays to the side, straddling Massu’s thigh instead of rolling right on top of him, and Massu gasps as he feels Tegoshi hard against him. Tegoshi takes advantage of the parting in his lips to slip in his tongue, which pulls a faint noise from Massu’s throat as he meets it with his own and Tegoshi has to fight to focus and not just give in to the feelings that want to overwhelm him.

“Are you scared?” he whispers between kisses, never fully leaving Massu’s mouth.

“Terrified,” Massu answers, his hands dropping to Tegoshi’s hips. “But I’m glad it’s you.”

“Me, too,” Tegoshi replies, and his grin is big enough to impede their kissing. He drags his lips down Massu’s jaw instead, feeling some of the tension disperse from Massu’s body, and he makes a surprised noise when Massu’s hands slide up his shirt.

“Sorry,” Massu says quickly, his soft touch leaving Tegoshi’s skin, but Tegoshi rushes to shake his head.

“You can touch me wherever you want,” he whispers into Massu’s ear, and Massu shivers beneath him. “Do you like this? My voice in your ear.”

Massu nods, his fingers clenching onto Tegoshi’s sides when Tegoshi slowly blows air right into his ear. Then he flicks the shell with his tongue and Massu arches, a low groan sounding from deep in his throat that goes right between Tegoshi’s legs. He can’t stop himself from rocking against Massu, desperate for friction, and he moans faintly as he licks the lobe of Massu’s ear.

It’s Massu who pulls at Tegoshi’s shirt first, and Tegoshi’s reminded of what Massu’s like when he’s got his mind set on something – wholly dedicated, focus on nothing but the goal. In bed, that translates to ‘impatient’, and Tegoshi finds it insanely hot. He leans up to let Massu pull off his shirt and then repeats the action on him, taking the opportunity to appreciate the muscled chest as Massu pulls him back into his mouth.

Their kiss is much more heated now, Massu’s body tense for another reason and Tegoshi chances a gradual lift of his knee, pressing his own thigh between Massu’s legs and finding him as hard as a rock. Massu’s resulting groan seems to vibrate them both, making Tegoshi roll his hips against him more pointedly and he’s not exactly sure which one of them pulls them flush together, just that their erections are now grinding against each other through their pants and they both seem to realize this at the same time.

Tegoshi laughs as their hands bump into each other at their waist, and Massu offers a scoff through his arousal. Their remaining clothes get kicked off, but not to the floor (Tegoshi knows better), and Massu’s legs seem to just fall open to welcome Tegoshi between them. Massu arches again when they make direct contact, Tegoshi wrapping his hand around both of them to stroke them together, and he presses open-mouthed kisses all over Massu’s throat and jaw, anywhere he can reach.

“Yuuya,” Massu says, his voice deep and husky and Tegoshi wants to hear his name in that tone over and over again. “How are we going to do this?”

“We can do it like this,” Tegoshi offers, followed by a rush of air as he demonstrates squeezing them both from base to tip.

“That’s not really, you know,” Massu goes on, and he leans closer to Tegoshi’s ear like there’s someone else to hear him whisper, “ _sex_.”

Just hearing Massu say the word makes Tegoshi shudder. “We can do that. We can definitely do that.”

“But how?” Massu asks, and now he sounds a bit worried. Tegoshi thumbs the head of his cock, and he groans out his next statement. “It’s not like girls, I know that much.”

“It just takes some preparation,” Tegoshi says, wincing because he already knows Massu won’t like this part. “You use your fingers – and lube – to open me up.”

He leans up, and sure enough, Massu’s nose is wrinkled. “I don’t know if I can do that, Yuuya. At least not right now.”

“I can…” Tegoshi gulps. “I can do it to myself. Or… I can do it to you.”

Massu looks thoughtful, which Tegoshi thinks is more relevant to his dick than his brain. “Does it hurt?” he finally asks.

“Not if you do it right,” Tegoshi says, smiling as he kisses his way up Massu’s jaw and continues in his ear, “I can do it right.”

Another groan, and Tegoshi hopes that Massu makes his decision soon because he’s _past_ ready to fuck, regardless of which way it’s done. While Massu thinks, Tegoshi’s hands drop to Massu’s ass and _grab_ , his mouth latching onto Massu’s neck and sucking lightly.

“You do it,” Massu finally says. ” To me.”

Tegoshi pauses. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Massu says, flushing even more as he lifts up his legs invitingly. “This feels right.”

Something inside Tegoshi aches, but it’s overpowered by his hormones and instantly he’s reaching over to Maki’s nightstand, where she’d set out the essentials for the evening. Most of the lube ends up on Massu’s belly as Tegoshi rushes to coat his fingers.

Massu takes some of it between his own fingers and examines it. “Hmm.” He smells it, then his eyebrows go up. “It’s flavored.”

“You can eat it,” Tegoshi says, laughing, and suddenly he stops when he realizes that _he_ can, too. _There_.

“What’s the point of that?” Massu asks as he tastes the substance himself, and it’s so innocent that Tegoshi just smiles at him as he returns to his ear.

“You can use your tongue, too, to open up,” Tegoshi tells him, circling Massu’s ear in demonstration, and now he really wants to do it. “It feels really good, and it loosens you up more easily.”

“Does it?” Massu doesn’t sound convinced, and he’s making the cutest grossed-out face. Tegoshi nods, and he barely flicks his tongue inside Massu’s ear before Massu jerks beneath him and lets out a choked moan. “Okay, but you can’t kiss me afterwards.”

Tegoshi points to the mints included with Maki’s ‘essentials’ – they’d taken _everything_ into consideration – and Massu still doesn’t look convinced. “Just relax,” he says, teasingly licking his way down Massu’s chest. He gives Massu’s cock a kiss on the head and it almost smacks him in the face with the sharp snap of Massu’s hips, but Tegoshi just chuckles and continues down. Massu’s thighs are trembling as Tegoshi spreads them, pressing his lips to the inside to calm him down, and he slides his free hand up to find Massu’s fist clenching.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Massu’s chanting over and over, and Tegoshi just goes in for the kill. He feels Massu’s shocked moan on his own tongue as he flicks along the rim, looping his arms around Massu’s thighs to keep him from moving too much. He licks around and around and Massu finally starts to relax, shuddering when Tegoshi pokes his tongue inside and pushes it in and out as fast as he can.

Massu’s fist unravels, and Tegoshi laces their fingers together. He feels the pressure as Massu squeezes his hand, which becomes even harder as Tegoshi trails a slick finger up Massu’s thigh to join his tongue. Massu closes up right away and Tegoshi frowns, only making it a little way in, then he decides to put his mouth to better use.

“Oh-” Massu gets out as Tegoshi swallows his length, taking it all easily and distracting Massu enough to work in his finger. “ _Yuuya_.”

Tegoshi would suck him off all day just to hear Massu moan his name. He pulls back enough to focus on the head, which Massu seems to like judging by the way his hand thrusts into Tegoshi’s hair and his body opens up much more. Tegoshi manages to sneak in a second finger and he crooks them both, looking for that spot that will make Massu scream, and he doesn’t think he’s found it until Massu yanks him up by his hair and tosses a mint into his mouth.

It’s barely dissolved by the time it’s joined by Massu’s tongue, but Tegoshi can’t bring himself to mind when Massu’s body rocks back against his fingers and all he does is kiss him harder when Tegoshi slips in a third. He stretches Massu as much as he can, taking his time to do it properly so it won’t hurt him when they finally unite, but Massu’s impatience is obvious as he grabs onto Tegoshi with all of his strength.

“I’ve never said anything like this before,” Massu pants against Tegoshi’s lips. “But you need to fuck me. Now.”

Tegoshi can barely get a condom on fast enough. He uses more of the lube, making himself even more worked up in the process as he tries to make it as comfortable as possible for Massu, but when he kneels between Massu’s raised legs, it just goes in. He has to push, but Massu is completely relaxed and it sounds like all of his air just deflates from his lungs as Tegoshi fills him inside.

“Oh, god, Massu,” Tegoshi moans, pressing his forehead into Massu’s collarbone, his body trembling with Massu’s body tight around him.

“Don’t call me that,” Massu growls, and it’s so deep that Tegoshi jumps. “Not like this.”

And all at once it _clicks_ in Tegoshi’s head, all of the times Massu offhandedly mentioned that it would be okay to call him something else, something more _personal_ , and Tegoshi could kick himself for missing the signs.

“Taka,” he tries out, and it feels natural on his tongue. “Taka, you feel so good.”

“Move,” Massu orders, and Tegoshi jumps to comply.

He starts slow, his focus on Massu for any unfavorable reactions, but all Massu does is clutch onto Tegoshi’s back and groan. It’s a gorgeous noise, low and rumbling, and Tegoshi feels it in his chest where he’s pressed against Massu. It fuels him to move a little faster, thrust a little harder, and Massu’s legs wrap around Tegoshi’s waist to push back against him.

That’s about when Tegoshi loses his mind, his brain overcome by sensations and arousal and _Massu_ and it feels like everything he’s ever wanted in his entire life combined into one, multiplying with each moment that passes. Tegoshi’s so full of love that he almost says it, bites his tongue at the last second, because this is just a friend helping out a friend even if Tegoshi wants to be the only ‘friend’ to do this to him forever.

“Yuuya,” Massu gasps suddenly, sounding a bit frantic, and Tegoshi halts abruptly. “No, don’t stop. _Please_ don’t stop.”

Tegoshi moans as he returns to his prior speed, clinging to Massu even tighter as he wheezes into the forming sweat on Massu’s skin. “Do you want me to do something? Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

“Ah,” Massu says awkwardly, and Tegoshi leans up as much as he can to direct his noises into Massu’s ear. That seems to jump-start him, and he moans out, “Touch me, please.”

Quickly Tegoshi shoves his arm between them, rushed and ungraceful and it doesn’t matter because once his fingers wrap around Massu, it’s bliss. Massu shudders beneath him and lets out a groan that Tegoshi feels in his toes, pulling Tegoshi closer and somehow they find each other’s mouths, kissing deeply while drinking down moans and breathing harshly through their noses.

Then Massu arches and cries out Tegoshi’s first name, twitching in Tegoshi’s hand as his cock erupts, and his body seems to hold Tegoshi hostage and not let him move. It’s too much and he follows right after, clutching onto Massu and feeling his heart beat as he rides the waves of orgasm. He notices Massu start to squirm before he has returned entirely to reality, but he has enough composure to pull out and roll off of him.

“Give me a second,” he says breathlessly. “I’ll clean us up.”

He’s trying to focus through unseeing eyes when he feels the weight of Massu’s head drop to his shoulder, the rest of him following suit. “Take your time. I’m okay.”

Tegoshi lifts a shaky arm to embrace him, and the next thing he knows, he’s back in Massu’s mouth.

“Is this okay? I mean…” Massu pauses, smiling as Tegoshi plays with his hair. “I know it’s over, but…”

“You can kiss me whenever you want,” Tegoshi says, the truth just pouring out in the crystal clarity following release. “I’ve wanted you to kiss me for years.”

That has Massu freezing, and Tegoshi’s vision sharpens to find wide eyes right in front of him. “Years?”

“Um.” Tegoshi bites his lip, flashing a smile. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is,” Massu says, scrambling to find his clothes, and he’s fully dressed before Tegoshi can even move. “I’m sorry, Yuuya.”

And he leaves. Tegoshi watches him go, feeling helpless and exhausted and he can’t even bring himself to be upset about it. That’s how Maki finds him, covering him with a blanket and pulling him into her lap, embracing him without words and rocking him like a child.

“I fucked up,” Tegoshi says, his voice choked, and he feels Maki nod against his head.

*

Tegoshi almost expects Massu not to show up to work, and when he does, happy and bubbly like nothing happened, he’s so shocked that he doesn’t know what to do.

“Let’s go out to eat after this, yeah?” Massu suggests, and his smile is enough for Tegoshi to make it through the day.

They go have ramen because it’s easy, cheap, and busy. Tegoshi has a feeling that Massu wanted a crowded environment for whatever conversation he planned on having with Tegoshi.

“About the other night…” Massu says suddenly, and Tegoshi chokes on his noodles. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to be so sudden.”

“It’s fine,” Tegoshi says when he can breathe again. “And I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Please let me talk,” Massu interrupts him, and Tegoshi falls silent. “I’m sorry for leaving like that. You just… took me by surprise. I mean, I thought it was casual.”

“It was!” Tegoshi exclaims, then remembers where he is and keeps his voice down. “I don’t expect anything from you, Massu- Taka.”

Massu’s smile grows brighter, and Tegoshi looks confused until he speaks. “I’ve wanted you to call me that, because it’s different than everyone else.” He clears his throat, spins his noodles around his chopsticks, and quickly adds, “because you’re different than everyone else” before slurping up a gratuitous mouthful.

The heat reaches Tegoshi’s chest first, followed by his brain actually processing the words, and he stares at Massu even as he scarfs down his ramen. “I am?”

The noodles pause as Massu bites them where they hang and swallows. “I think…” he begins slowly, and Tegoshi waits patiently. Right now he’ll wait forever for what Massu has to say. “I only did it because it was you. I don’t think I could have done it with anyone else. I was the most nervous about Maki-chan being there, too, even though it was my idea. But once it was just us, it was… it was… it was okay.”

He’s talking very fast, and Tegoshi can almost feel his panic. He rushes to cover Massu’s hand with his, inconspiciously, and Massu calms down instantly. “What are you saying?”

“What were _you_ saying?” Massu shoots back, his face hardened as he stares right into Tegoshi’s eyes. “Why have you thought about me like that for so long?”

Tegoshi licks his lips; it’s either now or never. Right here, right now, in this jam-packed ramen shop in the early evening on a Wednesday. “Because I love you,” Tegoshi says clearly. “I’m sorry.”

He wants to leave, dodge his way through all of these people and run down the street, far away from Massu and his broken heart left behind in his ramen bowl, half empty. But then he feels Massu’s thumb on his, a small gesture that he feels all throughout his body, and Massu’s eyes are much warmer.

“I was hoping that’s what it was,” Massu says quietly. “I-I don’t know how I feel yet, Yuuya. This is all so new to me, but. _But_. You are so important to me. I trust you. I want… I want to know. If this is how it’s supposed to be.”

It’s one of the first times Tegoshi’s wanted to cry from something other than pain. He holds it back and just nods, and Massu’s grin makes him smile, too. Then Massu throws some money down on the table and pulls Tegoshi out of the restaurant, down the street and into a cab, never letting go of his hand.

Massu’s place is the same as it’s always been – brightly colored, impeccably clean, and highly organized – but Tegoshi sees nothing but the backs of his eyelids as Massu kisses him the second they’re in the door, those strong arms clamping around him with confidence.

And it’s perfect.

*

It gets easier to call Massu by his first name. At work, over the phone, cuddling on the couch, in bed – it becomes second nature, and soon Tegoshi doesn’t even have to think about it. And each time he says it, Massu _beams_.

In the next NEWS meeting, it takes Ryo fifteen seconds to look at them and just _know_. Shige only finds out because Ryo screams it, and Koyama bounces excitedly like he’d known (telepathically) since the second it happened.

Yamapi’s late and misses the ‘announcement’, but he pretends not to see Tegoshi and Massu being closer than normal and Tegoshi is grateful for the subtly. For once.


End file.
